My Dear Readers,
First, I’d like to acknowledge that, yes, “un pasito pa’delante” comes from the Ricky Martin song “Maria.” It’s definitely cheesy (or cursi, might as well toss you some Spanish vocab, right?), but my year in Spain should be at least that: one little step forward.
I longed to know what my next step would be last spring, as I waited to hear back from the Fulbright commission and grad schools. As the semester passed and my stress increased, I imagined dozens of back up plans. I could stay in Holland, keep my job as a bank teller, maybe teach for LAUP again in the evenings. I could go back to Querétaro, rent a room from my old host family (as Aidie had suggested when I visited last August), teach English, take a few Spanish classes, spend my nights salsa dancing with my old friends. I could pack up and follow departing friends off on their own adventures.
Then one night shortly after spring break, my anxiety hit its breaking point. I was headed home from campus, and I realized that I didn’t want a world of possibilities to open itself before me. I just needed one answer, one path to follow. That’s what I told God, anyway, as I walked through campus to my car. Growing more tense as I drove home, I decided to take a detour and pass by the lake. Driving north, I caught glimpses of the rosy sun falling into the lake on my left. I kept going until I’d passed a small inlet and crossed a bridge. Thinking I’d gone far enough, though not feeling much more settled, I turned around. When I came up the bridge from the other side, a huge orange moon stunned me. It shone above the trees and reflected on the water below.
“OK, God,” I said. “That’s not the answer, but it’s enough for today.”
I expect to repeat that phrase often in the coming month. I’ll be busy in transition: meeting the other Fulbrighters, getting to know Madrid, settling in at IES Máximo Trueba, adjusting to the time difference, practicing my commute, searching for housing. It’s going to be great.
And I’d love to include you on my journey. I’ll do my best not to bore you with nonessential detail or by waxing too sentimental. I don’t want to inundate your inbox with updates on the more mundane details of my day-to-day. I do, however, wish to keep in touch, something that’s difficult enough to accomplish in our busy lives when we’re in the same town or even the same house, and yet more challenging when we’re farther away.
So “Un, dos, tres, un pasito pa’delante, María. Un, dos, tres, un pasito pa’tras.” Here I go!
