It seems to me, that in a long distance relationship, the need to talk to your boyfriend (I can only speak for the women here) becomes just as important as talking about your relationship with others dealing with the same separation. Longing to discover the secret to keeping the distance from pulling our pairings apart, we ask questions and tell our stories looking for that key to long distance success or at least the trick to avoiding a bad breakup.
During Fulbright orientation back in September, I was surprised by the number of women who had boyfriends back in the States. A group of us had gone out salsa dancing one night towards the end of that first week. One girl introduced herself and said she was from Connecticut.
“Oh, that’s where my boyfriend grew up,” I responded, which prompted a conversation about our boyfriends and the difficulties of long distance love. When I next saw her in Pamplona two months ago, we caught up a bit, and she filled me in on their breakup.
“And what about you and your boyfriend?” she asked, with a look that seemed to beg for some reassurance that no relationship could survive the time apart. Though I understood the need to see her situation justified by someone else’s, I wasn’t the one who could help. Not this time.
“We’re still together. He was here for a bit in January.”
Then there’s the girl I got to know better in Pamplona who told me another breakup story. She had limited Skype time with her boyfriend to half an hour every week so she could fully immerse herself in Spain and the Spanish language. He decided he was higher maintenance than that. I understand her motivations: I know my Spanish would improve if I were less intent on making room for Trevor time in my life here, yet I also know what I would be giving up in return.
And finally I present the friend whose boyfriend proposed after she found out she got the Fulbright. They’re getting married in July of 2012 for wedding planning purposes, but our group of guapas took her out for a bachelorette party this weekend. Who knows when all of us (from LA, Atlanta, Arizona, Michigan, New York...) will be together again before they tie the knot? Best celebrate while we can.
April has brought much to celebrate, starting with Easter, which I spent in Boston with Trevor and his family. I left straight from Portugal, which meant showing up on Good Friday with a week’s worth of damp laundry that smelled of horse and a pair of boots that customs confiscated to scrub down before letting me leave the Boston airport. We dropped all of that at Trevor’s apartment before meeting a few friends for food. They suggested salsa dancing that night, but after nearly 24 hours of travel while too excited to actually sleep on the planes, I passed out long before that.
Saturday I got to do laundry, which is exciting because the US believes in dryers, a rare item in Spain. My jeans and T-shirts actually fit for the first time in months and dried within an hour, rather than having to hang out overnight, probably getting caught in an unexpected rain shower and then smelling all mildewy. In the meantime, we got diner breakfast, another delight missing from Spain, where not even Starbucks is open before I'm on my way to work at 8:20 in the morning. Boston was experiencing a rainy Saturday, perfect for an afternoon movie before picking up Indian food to take to Trevor's grandparents' for dinner.
We joined Trevor's extended family -- grandparents, great-aunts and uncles, aunts, uncles, cousins, small dogs and one giant poodle -- for Easter festivities. The celebrations were just as busy as my family's; you just have to replace a few of our younger children with pets. Food abounded. Trevor and I had made church window cookies the night before to contribute. His cousin Adam, though, brought the most unique dessert: homemade white chocolate candy Lego men in various pastel colors. There was even an Easter egg hunt despite the fact that all of the cousins were in their teens and twenties. I got the most eggs (a word of advice: if everyone rushes to the backyard, start in the front) and grass stains on my knees when things got competitive.
The rest of the week passed in an all-too-quick blur of places, people and comfort food. As evidence, I provide a slightly edited email exchange where I try to piece it all together:
Monday: Au bon pain (jalapeño cheddar bagels and coffee) to Prudential Center (B&N stop to spend some gift cards) followed by Wentworth (Wally's deli for lunch), Princess Bride and dinner of steak and portobello sandwiches with friends
Tuesday: Burton's for brunch with sangria, walking EVERYWHERE (past Fenway, Commons, Gardens, along River...) eventually to North End for Italian at Tecce's and pastries to take back and eat while watching Muriel's Wedding
Wednesday: Western Thought, Panera (another jalapeño cheddar bagel), Duck Tour, splitting a 5 Napkin Burger and Oreo shake for lunch, Copley Square, Commons, Gardens, all the way to IMAX in the Science Museum, lazy delivery pizza for dinner
Thursday: Study day, Chinese for lunch, more studying for you while I go to Isabella Stewart Gardener Museum, Doyle's for dinner
Friday: Wentworth, sunburned legs, Wally's again for lunch, frozen yogurt before my flight
Tuesday after Burton's and that morning sangria, we started down Brookline past Fenway 'Park' (referring here to the ballpark - Fenway is that neighborhood so to speak) to the Citgo sign into Kenmore Square, took Commonwealth until we found that spot on the benches in the median. Then we saw the statues before we found the Charles River. We were lying on that dock in the sun for what must've been an hour :)
After that was the first time we hit the Commons when it got cold and almost rainy. The frappuccino didn't help keep my hands warm, haha. The used bookstore we stopped at was in the basement of the Old South Church (or schoolhouse, I can't remember which one) where Sam Adams and several others planned the Boston Tea Party.
And you can't forget Friday! I took you right to Flann's with Jackie, Doc and Adriano. Jimmy sympathized with your jetlag while you fell asleep on me. Could you imagine if we had decided to go salsa dancing!? You're not off the hook, btw.
When I look back over all of the things we managed to cram into Trevor’s last week of class before exams (for the most part he spent the week I was in Portugal getting ahead on work so we could have more time together), I appreciate the fact that we could share a week for the first time in months, rather than catching each other up daily on Skype. We could actually have dinner together and people/car watch out the view from the restaurant together, rather than online chatting during mealtimes six hours apart. Mainly I’m thrilled for conversations without Internet cables and the opportunity to meet the friends and family who make up his circle in Boston.
Because after all of the relationship conversations with other Fulbright women, I’m pretty sure no simple formula to long distance success exists, and I’m really not interested in dissecting what Trevor and I have going for us. I’d much rather just enjoy the company.
All photo credits go to Trevor, except for the entrance to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum
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